dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
