i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
