I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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