It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
