It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
