Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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