you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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