I love having hate sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
