I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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