Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
your like the ambassador to my penis.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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