The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
