Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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