I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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