so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
