Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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