break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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