i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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