Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
