I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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