i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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