I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
