Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
