apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
