I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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