cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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