Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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