Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
