I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
