so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
