Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
