I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
