I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
