i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
