Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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