you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
