Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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