he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
