Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
