there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
