I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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