I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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