At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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