if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
