you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
