I bet he comes in French.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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