Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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