a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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