Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
