Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
