Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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