Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
