Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
