Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Enjoy the penises
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
