I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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