he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
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Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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