ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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