woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize