So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
