i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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