Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
