Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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