We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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