I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
