Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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