alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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