Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
