um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
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She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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