the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
