I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
