Welp...herpes.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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