I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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