So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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