TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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