By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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